Is it the best of times? Is it the worst of times?
Is it the best of times? Is it the worst of times?
No, I am not talking about the Tales of Two Cities by Charles Dickenโฆ
I am talking about Chinese New Year which is around the cornerโฆ
The Story of Mingโs family
This is a story about a family from Rawang I encountered in the Paediatric Autism Clinic at a government hospital more than 10 years ago.
It was a sunny afternoon , a few days before Chinese New Yearโs Eve.
Ming is an 8-year-old boy with Autism Spectrum Disorder requiring very significant level of support (Medical Professionals called it Level 3). On top of that, he also has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Ming was nonverbal, uttering incomprehensible sounds intermittently, while pacing aimlessly in the clinic room, flapping both his hands on and off in the crisp cool air inside the ari-conditioned clinic room .
Ming was attending regular, but infrequent occupational and speech therapy sessions at the hospital, as parents were not able to afford private therapy sessions which comes with high cost. He was making progress , slowly , at his own pace. As usual, I emphasized the importance of parent-led interventions during daily routine.
I was wrapping up a follow-up review, with eager anticipation of my upcoming Chinese New Year holiday to spend time with my family.
Are you planning to Balik Kampung for the celebration?
I looked at both parents and said, โChinese New Year is just around the corner. Are you planning to Balik Kampung for the celebration?โ
Mingโs father and mother looked at each other.
Silence.
After a few minutes which seemed like forever, Mingโs father spoke.
โDr. Annie, we have not been travelling back to our home town to celebrate Chinese New Year for many years nowโฆ (we were ) just staying in the comfort of our own home .We donโt do visitingโฆ We also donโt encourage family or friends to come to visit usโฆโ
Mingโs mother continued, โWe feel more at ease this way, avoiding all the uncomfortable remarks and questions asked by some of our family members and friends.โ
โSometimes, our closest family members say things that are most hurtful to usโฆ Despite our attempts in explaining to them multiple times, they still donโt get it. We have to distance ourselves from them,โ she continued.
โHmmโฆ I see,โ I uttered, struggling to find the right emotions to match with this verbal input, even though I had heard similar remarks from parents multiple times before over the years.
The worries
While some of us are eagerly anticipating the joyous familiy gatherings, many are drowning in anxiety and worries .
They worry about how to respond if say 3rd Aunt asked โ X is already 4 years old hoh, has X started talking yet? โ
They worry about how to respond if say 6th Aunt commented โ You worry too much lah, boys are late talkers , X is just like his Daddy!โ
They worry about feeling hurt again when they overheard another child say , โMom, I donโt want to play with that weird kid!โ or a relative say โ Gosh, what a naughty kid , must be a product of bad parenting !โ
They worry about what to do if their children went into meltdowns in the midst of family reunion dinner, when the firecrackers burns , when the super loud CNY songs were played or just noisy laughters from family members โฆ.
The list of worries are endless , and suffocating .
Why do this matter to you
You may be wondering , what does this has to do with me?
Latest statistics from Centre of Disease Control (CDC) in March 2023 indicates the prevalence of Autism Among 8-year-old children in the United States has risen to 1 in 36. Even with more conservative statistics worldwide, every 1 in 100 children are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
It is not surprising that you know about a colleagueโs son , a neighbourโs grandson, your friendโs daughter, or even your own relatives who have been diagnosed to have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Take home message
This may not be the usual tales of Chinese New Year, about joyous family gatherings filled with an abundance of sumptuous meals, Ang Pows, and laughter.
This is a story of a family with a child in the Autism Spectrum.
These are stories of many families with children in the Autism Spectrum.
They do not need our sympathy.
All they need is our empathy and acceptance.
Is it a bad idea if we celebrate this yearโs Chinese New Year differently, putting on a new lens of acceptance and empathy?
The choice is in our hands.
